Does anyone else feel like they are drowning? No? Just me?

I feel like I’m drowning in: laundry, toys, dishes, meals, yard work, farm work, outside chores, grocery prices, other people’s negativity, my own self doubt, everyone’s opinions, stress, the chaos happening in this world.

Most days I’m good with being able to ignore it all or at least not let it bother me so much. But lately I feel like it’s never ending and overwhelming. I feel like it’s extra heavy.

It’s been a rough few years on the farm with no breaks or any time for myself. I know it may sound selfish to some but being a mother of 3 small kiddos, helping my husband run our operation and trying to maintain, and I say that lightly because let’s be honest I can’t keep up to everyone’s mess, with this yard or house. Breaks away are needed!

I’m not talking grocery shopping by myself, which also rarely happens anyways. I’m talking doing something for myself. Something that helps fill my cup a little bit at a time, something that heals my soul and not just a bandaid fix, something that lets me breathe like really breathe so the anxiety and overwhelming feelings settle down.

I’ve lost myself from drowning alone all the time! I’m trying really hard to find myself again even if I have to do it alone. I want to be A person I can be happy with, someone I can recognize. Someone that isn’t just around without being present. Someone that matters to others. Someone I can be proud of.

I know what I want to be doing to get started but everyday something happens family or farm wise that sets me back and bring those dark feelings back up. Everyday I have to drop everything no matter what I’m trying to do because I’m needed by someone else somewhere else. But when I need someone in ways most people just don’t understand it just never happens.

We live in a crazy world where their isn’t enough time in the day to get things done. Working but never getting ahead. Being present with family and friends is taken for granted and put off until it’s “convenient”. And self care is selfish.

I’m tired of living this way

Where does a person go from here? How do I start making time for myself but not seem selfish. I love my family so very much but I also need a break from them so maybe they will appreciate me more and the things I do for them. I’m tired of being taken for granted by everyone.

I deserve to be happy too

I deserve great things

I deserve to have a life outside of these 4 walls

I deserve to have help

I deserve to be a little selfish once in a while

I deserve to have my cup filled

I deserve to heal my soul

I deserve for my kids to have a happy present mom

I deserve to not have to apologize for wanting a break

I deserve to not have to apologize for needing a break

I deserve to not be the irritated, overwhelmed, stressed, yelling person all the time

Signing off as the misunderstood farm wife